Jason Walker - Kiss Me
Veronica didn’t expect the words to sting so much, but they did. His words stung. The problem was her, always had been from day one. Veronica made a squeaking noise, as if she was holding back tears, looking down at the table she inhaled sharply, trying to collect her thoughts before exhaling slowly. Gaining her composure Veronica chewed her bottom lip as she let everything Charlie said sink in, not just wash over her sharply, but sink in. She didn’t want to speak too quickly without thinking about the things he had said. I’ve made mistakes, lots of em…I’ve done things I regret, but my career in porn isn’t one of them…I’m past it, but I don’t regret it. I don’t regret kissing you, I regret running away…I regret getting married…I just, I wish I could just erase that whole weekend, I messed up. Veronica sighed as her hair fell over her slumped shoulders. I just couldn’t imagine any one who would want a girl who’s own mother didn’t even want her. Veronica shrugged giving way to a real peak inside what holds her back emotionally, her mothers suicide. Although she didn’t give Charlie every gory detail he knew enough to know her mother was gone, that she was an orphan and for some reason or another Veronica blammed herself for her mother being gone.
Charlies next words threw Veronica off, how could he not see how amazing he was. Furrowing her brows together she watched as he forced his hand through his hair, an awkward gesture, a Charlie gesture. Letting her shoulders fall as she scoffed Veronica pushed her fallen hair behind her ears. Everything is natural with you, at least for me it is. It’s the most natural thing I have ever exprienced in my life. Veronica leaned forward catching Charlies eyes with her own chocolate eyes, tentaviely she reached forward as if she was going to touch his hand, but decided against it as she opened her mouth to speak again. I see some one who gets my way of talking, who likes good art, who is a wonderful artist. I see some one with all the best intentions who makes me laugh. You’re kind of a big deal to me, Charlie.Veronica chewed her bottom lip as she felt a flush of color spread across her cheeks brought on by her admission. There was no turning back now.
The coffee place was no place for this kind of conversation yet simply… they were there already and speaking with meaning; there was no time to take it to a more private place. A shrug came down his shoulders as his eyes dropped whilst the edges of his ear drums heard her spoken words. Words that seemed to be coming from the bottom of her heart. He didn’t exactly know how to react towards her meaningful words. It seemed so surreal for a man like Charlie to be encounting such a thing with a girl like her. Lifting his head from the ground, he seemed to be more caught to her presence at this point. I don’t regret kissing you… That sentence began to trail around his head, cluttering it up to the point of him maybe glazing off, yet, Charlie was keeping the conversation well handled.
He thought the conversation would be simple and only last a few minutes…. yet, he thought wrong. The conversing seemed like a never ending thing, especially on the sharing subject; it was vital though, big time. “You’re a strong girl, Veronica… Even if the worst things happen, they come with the good and the bad, regardless of how much of an impact they are…” For once, young Charlie felt like he was on a roll with the words of Confucius. Why was Veronica so blind and negative? Charlie didn’t exactly understand how people function that way. He always implied every inch of living with the intention of focusing on any positive thing.
A heavy inhale of air came into his clouded lungs, his throat felt a little off edge but his mind and eyes were focused well over her next few phrases. The word natural confused him a little more. Never in Charlie’s life has he been proclaimed to be this natural human being. Maybe weird comments like ‘He’s weird, or different’ always tackled his social status, yet… someone like Veronica seemed to see this different flaunting of him, which was typically… different. He wasn’t so use to the attention, that’d probably explain the way he is as a person. A little gulp occurred from the back of his throat, feeling quite startled and surprised with her words. How can you be so fucking stupid! She likes you man, she really fucking likes you… — His inner thoughts were taking a toll on him, one side of his head was thinking about something as the other continued to listen to Veronica and her study her manner.
At this point… little seventeen old Charlie was awkward. He didn’t exactly know how to react, but to just look at Veronica within the eyes. Her eyes… Those eyes… — Every inner judgement began to bounce between his constant thinking. Licking the edges of his lips suddenly, this was another sign of frustration, sometimes it’d just happen automatically, but now.. it was out of pure frustration mixed with confusion. How could he be so blind and not jump to the obvious conclusion that maybe? Just maybe she feels something for him… That’d explain why certain things have been off these past few weeks… perhaps because they haven’t been speaking ever since that occurrence under the fort whilst drinking bottles of lemonade.
You’re kind of a big deal… — Jesus Christ! Charlie eyes were basically dazing off into wonderland for a moment, his stance was as still as a statue, as the only thing he could hear was the beating of his heat — throbbing inside and out. Biting his bottom lip nervously, he was ready to respond. It was like entering the battle field for the first time, well… that’s what Charlie would compare it to; the feeling of course. “I make you laugh…” he rephrased suddenly, that’s the only thing he could think of at the moment with a laugh. The confusion and frustration faded off a little, as now his mind focused more on certain things that he was blinded from.
“V-Veronica…You’re kind of a big deal to me too…”
Veronica’s heart sunk further into her chest each time Charlie’s eyes avoided hers, making her stomach roll, queasy and unhappily as she tried to figure out what had provoked her to push away from him in the first place. Shaking her head, more to herself at the stupidity of her thoughts, of course she knew why she pushed him away, it was her feelings and knowing she wasn’t enough. Knowing an orphaned ex porn star would never be enough for a man like Charlie. A man with ambition and drive, a man who was worth something, worth so much more than a no body like her could ever begin to fathom. If you stripped away her surface layers, the jobs she had had, the fake name, she was just Roni Mae Clemmons, the girl who had run away from Montana as soon as she turned eighteen. The girl who only got on the cheerleading squad because the whole town felt pity for her, as they whispered behind her back about her mothers suicide and fathers drinking, two things she barely remembered but yet these two things were still haunting her, telling her she would never be good enough, not for a guy like Charlie at least.
The sudden noise escaping from Charlies lips caught Veronica off guard, instantly snapping her thoughts off, bringing her back to the present, to the café with Charlie, the boy she would never deserve. More so than his sudden burst of noise, his words caught her more off guard, causing her to swallow hard, wringing her hands roughly in her lap, as her heart thumped wildly in her chest. Just listening to his words, watching his body language, it was enough for Veronica to want to run and duck into a hole, to hide forever, from Charlie, from herself, from everyone and thing. But that was not an option, she had ran once, all the way to Vegas, causing this whole mess, so instead she simply nodded as she searched for the words, the right words to say, simple words wouldn’t do, not for this moment, but before she could even begin to process Charlie was talking again, the same dull voice as before, the one that nearly brought tears to Veronica’s eyes.
“I’m n-not ma-married.” Veronica meant for her voice to come out even and low, but it squeaked and cracked, the tell, tell sign she was holding back fustrated tears. Closing her eyes, veronica let her shoulders slump, feeling utterly defeated as Charlie spoke. Carefully she opened her chocolate eyes once again, pushing falling strands from her face, listeing to him as he spoke. “You wouldn’t like me very much, if I let you understand me” Veronica choked out softly, biting her lip she let her shoulders slump once more. “ I mean, you’d like me even less, than you do right now.” Veronica looked up, catching Charlie’s eyes with her own for a moment, as she straightened up, swallowing the painful lump in her throat. “ When I kissed you, I didn’t think you’d kiss me back, but I really wanted to kiss you, so I did, then you kissed me too, and I thought, maybe…” Veronica paused for a few moments trying to find the words again. “ I got scared, because there are things that you don’t know, that I..” Veronica sighed heavily again obviousl fustrated , not being able to explain to Charlie how she felt.
Running her fingers through her hair, she covered her face, exhaling slowly as she decided on what to do next. “ I’m an orphan, I don’t have family, I’m a former porn star, and you’re this beautiful artist who is some how awkward and beautiful and funny and sarcastic and you make me laugh, and you get the things I say, and I was afraid of what would happen after the kiss, because the truth is, I don’t deserve you…you’re too good for me” Veronica’s words came out of her mouth in a rush, but it was the only way she would of told him that piece of herself, if she let it spill out without stopping. Slowly she lifted her head, covering her face slightly, too afraid to look at him head on.
His head began to spin in circles. The conversation was following the line of his predictions and typically, Charlie didn’t want to pursue it any longer. He just wanted to consult everything, settle it all and not have that awkward tension between them. “It’s not about me liking you, this is about the fact that you think I’m better off being with someone better than you…” Charlie exclaimed, feeling a little frustrated but the young brunette kept his intentions at calming rate. “It’s you Veronica…” the moment stopped in silence as he mentioned that line. The problem was Veronica. Charlie didn’t mean that in a bad way, but the problem with Veronica is that she seems to focus on her flaws and the past more rather than realising there’s so much more to her than just a label. “It’s not me, or us.. It’s you…” the man shook his head with disbelief, and this time, he was capable of looking at Veronica straight in the eye. He was being honest and candid, truly out speaking the frank out of himself. “You gotta realise that you focus more on what you use to be… On what you did during the past and everything else that happened… Veronica, I’m not saying this just because of what’s happening between us… But this is for your sake — You’re a lot better than what you think you are” Charlie shrugged, sighing briefly as he finished that phrase.
After functioning those bunches of sweet words, his eyes couldn’t help but ponder over her features and moving mouth. Did she really just say that? — His subconscious snapped inside, hiding his inner thoughts. His hand went through his hair once again, yet much more awkwardly and forced. The eyes of Charlie dropped onto his lap, yet at this point being quite silent just so he could figure out what to say within seconds. “I…I…Uh..” he felt a little startled, and confused and now.. more confused. “I’m not ‘too’ good for you… I hate how people base people into the intention of saying whose good and whose not good for them… That stuff should just happen naturally yet for you, Clearly you think I’m better than you? which is rather strange because honestly… I’m nothing but just…” Charlie paused, wandering his eyes with awkwardness “your everyday comic fan, awkward, working guy… I’m nothing big Veronica, I honestly don’t know what you see in me…” for once throughout the conversation, he chuckled gently to himself… then looked back to her.
Like flash the superhero? I like marvel comics the most if we’re talking about brands.
I think we’ve had this conversation once before.